Laguna Beach, the Real OC

Yesterday I took a break from working at home and watched the block of channels ranging from BET on the low end and up to one of the generic music video channels up at the top, that I never can remember the name of.

This span of four or five channels is one of my favorite time wasting destinations. Bounded on both sides by the viewing equivalent of high voltage fences (Country Music Television and C-SPAN) I can bounce up and down through MTV, MTV2, VH1, BET and the other music channels and always see enough tits, ass, bling and 80s-era cheese to feel the kind of simultaneous satiation and tantalization that can keep me enthralled for hours.

After a fairly even dispersal of attention among the channels I eventually narrowed my bouncing to "VH1's 100 Hottest Hotties" and MTV's fake reality program "Laguna Beach: The Real OC."

I'd been hearing rumors about this show for some time, mainly that the characters were supposed to be real but were using fake names. Nothing I had read or heard, however, touched upon the compelling nature of this show. Despite a near-complete lack of story, writing, special effects, narrative arc, character development, dialogue or any of the other attributes that supposedly make for enjoyable entertainment consumption I could not tear my eyes from this show and found myself only turning over to the much slicker eye-candy of the 100 Hottest Hotties only during MTVs long and frequent commercial breaks.

The lack of plotline is actually kind of refreshing, compared to the hyper-dramatic soap opera mix of seductions, feuds, accidents, misunderstandings ... that usually make the editing cut. Instead these young, white, rich, goodlooking teens go from restaruant to coffee shop to snowboarding slope casually talking about each other and hooking up.

The dialogue could not be scripted, its far too inane and empty and stupid and repetitious except for inflections that carry the entire meaning of the word (like "bitch" and "slut" becoming a friendly greeting) sort of like I remember Chinese is supposed to be.

I was transfixed through two episodes with a mixture of condescension, awe and envy. These are the popular kids!!! I never got to know what they did when I was in high school and now I do! What's more, by extension, I know what they are doing now. Because I'll wager that the life that the 33 year old versions of Laguna Beach's popular set are probably every bit as parallel as the pathetic, socially retarded bookworm life that I led in high school is parallel to the pathetic, socially retarded, Internet-surfing life I currently lead.

John Roberts, Arrogant Prick

I know that the press has been in heated competition to come up with laudatory adjectives to heap on John Roberts and what a gentlemanly, brilliant, humble, kind-hearted person he is.

After watching about as much of the questioning as my ADD would allow, I have come to just the opposite conclusion.

Seeing him duck and weave and evade all the substantive questions put to him, simpering all the while, made me think that he is, as the title of this post suggests, an arrogant prick.

He's like the guy who's recommended for a job by a company's CEO, but who needs to get interviewed and approved by one of that company's department managers to make it official.

A truly humble, self-deprecating, decent person would go into that interview determined to win that approval by demonstrated honesty, forthrightness and competence.

But instead our boy has sauntered in, smirk at full strength, propped his feet up on the Manager's desk and said "The Boss told me I have this job already, so I don't have to say shit to you."

After this behavior, any self respecting Manager would look up the company regulations and find the fine print where he gets to block this prick's appointment and do so.