Goldman Sachs VP Morganna Deluxxx prepares to unload her toxic assets.
I can't keep track anymore about what I am supposed to be enraged about anymore.
The AIG bonus-grab certainly didn't come as a shock to me.
This is a company whose business model was creating asset insurance they could never pay off, then selling it to people who didn't even own the insured assets.
Taking money they shouldn't is part of their corporate culture. They'll have to do better than that to surprise me.
Maybe spending the money on little boy butt-sex would do the trick, but I doubt it.
Which brings me to a more serious point, and a prediction.
So far, these financial scandals have been coming in short, frequent pulses --- Some bank took a luxury spa vacation with bailout funds, Bernie Madoff ripped off a Holocaust survivor's charity with his ponzi scheme, AIG gave the very division that took them down $165 million in "retention" bonuses.
These mini-scandals given blowhards of all stripes in Congress and in front of cameras plenty to get worked up about. But then the fury has kind of... well.... dissipated. Then temporarily moved on to the next outrage or scandal of the moment.
That's because these scandals have been --- for all their sleaziness --- a bit dry. And --- here's the big thing --- sexless.
A trip to a spa, a ponzi scheme defrauding liberal old Jews, a gamed compensation system... That's kind of abstract, and makes you think about numbers and laws and ethics and shit.
Is it any wonder that the average news viewer will soon be clicking over to see who's left on "Idol?"
But the fbomber knows what puts the lead in the American rage-and-envy pencil. The same thing that puts the lead in its regular old lust-and-envy pencil: Tits & Ass. Also, Cock & Balls. Preferably all in contact with eachother.
Sometime --- maybe this week, maybe this month --- some news organization is going to dig up something sexual in this financial debacle.
Maybe an exec will get caught paying for a hooker with money that may have come from the bailout funds. Maybe some sexy MILFy VP will get caught with her french-manicured hands dipping into some TARP cookie jar. Maybe investment bankers got together in the bubble years and gangbanged eachother rotten while celebrating some ill-gotten gain at innocent homeowner's expense and made the big mistake of taking pictures and/or videos.
That story, whatever it is, will be the lightning rod --- the erect, throbbing lightning rod --- for all the jealousy and resentment and frustration and rage circulating throughout the atmosphere at this moment. That story, the one with the pussy and the dick involved, will define this whole financial disaster. Forever. Trust me.
After all, Americans might be a bit confused by now with all the arcane, sophisticated investment instruments --- the CDOs, the MBOs, the CDSs. But we know --- and are avidly fascinated by --- BBBJs, DPs and GFEs. Americans are fascinated, and --- more to the point --- livid with rage when we see that someone, anyone out there is having hotter sex than we are, while we sit in front of our computer screens, titillated to the bursting point by terabytes of free porn, yet rendered more or celibate by our obesity, puritanism, and social retardation. And when we discover that the hot-sex-havers are rich and powerful, why America's fury has no bounds.
That's the one advantage America's have-nots like believe they have on the haves. That the have-nots at least live a life of relative social freedom, cut loose from the onerous societal norms and hoity-toity prudishness that is forced on the rich, at least the version of the rich that shows up on TV shows. Our poor deluded masses like to think that they could at least go out and live a life of thoughtless, sleazy, Jerry-Springer-guest-style fucking if they so chose. While the rich are locked into chaste and sexless existences in drawing rooms and country clubs full of old, judgemental biddies.
Every so often, something comes along and pops this little fantasy bubble for poor, sex-starved Americans --- Clinton's blow job, Paris Hilton's sex tape, Donald Trump's succession of model wives --- and the result is a frenzied shit-storm of jealous, self-righteous, hypocritical wrath falling on the participants. "What?!?" the furiously-masturbating, socially-stunted, grotesquely fat America roars, momentarily taking its bloodshot eyes off the tranny porn on tube8.com "You get all the money AND the fucking too??!!?!? I hate you!!!!!!!!"
And then proceeds to go apeshit.
Which is what the as-yet-undetermined scandalees have to look forward to. These participants, in all their sexy, fuckable, hatable, investment banking glory will be on our TVs just about about as much as that sexy, fuckable, hatable Sarah Palin was during her 1st 15 minutes of fame in the Summer/Fall of '08.
Who wants to wager that this doesn't happen by, Summer 09 at the latest? I'm taking bets.
1 comments:
fbomber.I read your blog, but frankly, I kept returning to the Goldman executive pictured, who seems like the sort of giving, caring, talented banker that I would like to tit-fuck. Unlike Steven Schwartzman.
Anyway, I assumed that she actually a porn star and not a banker, so I put her in Google to see if there are any other pictures, videos, photo-montages, plastic cunts for that real Morgana feel and so on, and I discovered that she doesn't actually exist.
Yours is the only mention of her. Which puts the fbomber #1 at the top of the page on that Google search.
Fame at last. Well done!
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