I know that I am supposed to feel shocked at the violence and looting going on in London. That I am supposed to think this is all a terrible tragedy, this breakdown in civil society and discourse. That when someone resorts to the use of force, then something valuable has been lost. And I guess it's true that a part of me feels that way. And would feel that way even more strongly if it were my home, my neighborhood, my business or workplace being vandalized and robbed.

But it's not. And there is a part of me. The immature, nihilistic, primitive part of me that loves the idea of a big, fat, violent, destructive riot. I think there's a part of that in everyone, especially every male.

Not just because I want more stuff without paying for it. And, like everyone else, I do. How can we not want more stuff? That wanting is wired into our very brain structure, and continually stoked with subtle and brute-force marketing messages every single day of our lives.

I mostly love the idea of a riot, and participating in one, because, at a very basic level, it's fun to break things.

There is no denying that.

You ever break a window? I used to, back when I was a falling down drunkard. Walking home from bars, I would kick off car mirrors and smash through car windows between the last place I drank and my home. I'm not saying that it was good, or even defensible, but it certainly was satisfying.

It was simple, for one thing. No calculations of risk and reward, no messy considerations of causes and effects of my discontents, no complex web of relationships to navigate. No paralyzing need to imagine another person's reactions. Foot, meet window. Smash. Loud noise. No more window.

Was it nothing more than a petulant and juvenile lashing out because of a feeling of resentment and impotence? Sure.

But I was, and am, resentful. Impotent, too. For me, at least, that seems to be the condition of modern life. On one hand, an incredible level of safety and security and health and food and material comforts that other generations could never have dreamed of. On the other, a constant dependence on other people and a curbing of the individual will for the good of the whole.

I guess looting gives a moment when you have the best of both worlds. The chance to run completely, savagely amuck in the well-stocked and orderly modern world.

I'm actually more surprised that they don't happen more often.